Tension and Conflict in the Workplace

A client asked, “Why does work have to be so much work?” After a good laugh at her terminology, we started to explore what she meant. She loves her job and the work itself. Her concern is the constant tension among her co-workers and the effort it takes to maintain a cordial working relationship.

Of all the job related coaching challenges I’ve worked with over the years, the majority have been co-worker related. A common trap seems to be to allow minor (dare I say petty?) bickering and disagreements to interfere with the joy and camaraderie work offers. And, contrary to popular opinion, men struggle with this issue as often as women.

How does it start? Usually there is a minor disagreement about technique, process or goals among two of the more strong minded co-workers. Each thinks they have the right solution and neither is willing or able to see the other person’s option as viable. Sometimes the issue is not important at all and the actual problem is a struggle for dominance or control of the group. After a period of “lobbying”, other co-workers are encouraged to “choose sides” and eventually the office is at war internally.

If this war resulted in a productive internal competition between teams, there could be some benefits. Unfortunately, this is not usually the case. As the conflict progresses, more employees get involved and react as the individuals they are.

One common reaction is to simply withdraw from the social aspects of the work group: stop taking lunch or breaks, stop any kind of personal conversation and stop relating to the other co-workers. The results of this withdrawal include a loss of social interaction and satisfaction that should be a natural outcome of the workplace and, usually, a drop in self-esteem for the withdrawing employee.

Another common reaction is anger at the conflict and those creating it. Communication becomes terse, tense and angry. Cooperation dries up and efficiency goes with it. Job performance and production both drop and it seems the workload increases when, in fact, it simply takes longer to get things done in this less efficient environment.

The most common reaction is to bottle up the anger and frustration the workplace conflict causes and to keep the bottle sealed while at work. At home, however, the stopper comes out of the bottle and all the complaints, uncomplimentary stories and examples, and bitterness come flowing out to contaminate the home life.

This is usually the most dangerous result of workplace conflict for a number of reasons. The people we live with didn’t cause the problem and can’t solve it; why are we making it their problem? The same unhappiness that follows us at work then follows us home and makes our home a place of discontent and complaint rather than a place to re-charge batteries, relax and unwind.

If you are caught in one of these work place wars, what can you do? There are numerous steps you can take to reduce your own tension and unhappiness if you are a member of an unhappy workplace. The first step is to recognize that you can not control the behavior of anyone but yourself. You can, however, control your own actions and influence the responses of others. You may want to try some or all of the following:

1. Recognize your behavior at work involves your own self-respect. Above all, remember to hold your own power. No one else can make you be petty or small. You can control yourself and you can choose where to give up your power to someone else. You can not expect to hold anyone else’s respect if you don’t respect yourself. Is your behavior contributing to the problem or helping to resolve it? If you allow yourself to wallow in the bickering, fighting, gossip and pettiness, you are choosing to be unhappy as a result. Stop it. Take action so that at the end of the day you can look back and recognize that you have done your best to make the workplace a productive, pleasant place. By continuing to treat everyone with respect, patience and humor you may find you get the same treatment in return. Even if that doesn’t happen, you’ll be able to continue to be proud of your own behavior and hold your head high among your co-workers.

2. Recognize your co-workers expect and deserve your respect. Sometimes it is difficult to see the value a troublesome co-worker brings to the table. Even so, every human being deserves to be treated with respect and kindness. Compliment when you can; be compassionate where you find the opportunity; take an interest in everyone as a person. This doesn’t mean you spend hours in personal conversation but if you know of a particular challenge or a particular victory taking place in your co-worker’s life, show an interest and listen. It’s the right thing to do and you may find it has a positive influence on how that person treats you.

3. Recognize personal conflict is not the best use of the organization’s resources. If your time and energy are consumed by conflict rather than production, it won’t be long before the price of your product will fail to be competitive. You and your co-workers owe it to the organization to be professional and productive and not waste time on petty conflicts.

4. Experiment with the use of humor to break the tension. One client introduced a private joke to her workplace and used it to break the tension when needed. On one particularly tense day, she simply said out loud, “I think we should all take a deep breath and count to ten!” She inhaled deeply and started to count. To her delight, her co-workers started to laugh. The next time the situation got tense, another co-worker said, “OK, everybody breathe!” and they all enjoyed a deep breath and a break from the tension.

5. If all else fails, you may need to consider suggesting management hire a mediator or third party to come in and work with the group to help restore peace and order. Remember, the efficiency and productivity of the organization may be at risk if the conflict continues.
Workplace tension can make life miserable for everyone involved and, also, sometimes for the family members who are not directly involved. Seeking solutions and peace in the work place will pay dividends in life contentment and peace of heart and mind for all concerned.

Good luck and a happy workplace to you all!